If you grew up watching Home Improvement, Full House, Roseanne, or Family Matters, you probably assumed those parents were grown adults—real adults. Like, “paying off a mortgage and yelling at the kids about gas prices” adults.

Well… turns out most of them were younger than we are now. And yes, we’re having an identity crisis about it.

This week on The Kids Are In Bed, we celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary by walking around the Minneapolis Pride festival and crashing at the Sheraton while watching a thunderstorm. The spiral began when we played a game called “Guess the Sitcom Parent’s Age.”

We dug deep into the ages of iconic TV couples and characters—from the Taylors and the Conners to the Dunphys and the Formans. Here’s a taste of what we uncovered:

• Tim and Jill Taylor (Home Improvement): Tim was just 36 when the show began. Jill? 34. Tim Allen himself was 38. You are older than Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor.
• Dan and Roseanne Conner: Fictionally in their mid-to-late 30s. John Goodman was 36. Roseanne Barr? 36. They seemed 50. They were not.
• Carl and Harriette Winslow (Family Matters): Carl was scripted at about 40, and Reginald VelJohnson was right there at 37 when the show premiered.
• Red and Kitty Forman (That ‘70s Show): Kurtwood Smith (Red) was 54. Debra Jo Rupp (Kitty) was 49. Fictionally? Probably mid-40s. You know, regular Wisconsin parenting age for the disco era.
• Danny Tanner (Full House): Bob Saget was 31. Thirty-one! That man was raising three girls, had a full-time job, and still had time to crack dad jokes and clean obsessively.

And that’s just the beginning. In this episode, we:

• Compete in a sitcom theme song trivia game (spoiler: it’s harder than you remember)
• Debate which TV couple we most resemble (against our will)
• Share strange facts about Yes, Dear, The Goldbergs, and other sitcoms that raised us
• Realize we’re the parents now—and maybe we have been for a while

If you’ve ever found yourself yelling “Don’t touch the thermostat,” or referencing a TV dad’s catchphrase unironically, this episode is for you. And if you’re curious how old Mike and Carol Brady were supposed to be, we’ve got that too (hint: they were basically 30 and looked like they paid property taxes in the 1950s).

Whether you’re here for the trivia, the chaos, or the marital banter, this one hits the sweet spot between nostalgic fun and existential dread. So pull up your favorite chair, grab a juice box or a cocktail, and let’s dive into why we all thought these parents were ancient—and what it means now that we’ve become them.