How do you describe fifteen years of marriage? 

The universality of love makes it conflicting. On the one hand, it gives you relatable love songs and romantic comedies. On the other hand, it makes every word and gesture you come up with feel cliche. While that fact doesn’t make those sentiments erroneous, it can make them feel empty. Because of this, we leave things unsaid that should always be said. 

So, when describing fifteen years of marriage, I suppose you start with the easy stuff. 

You lead in with how she is beautiful (if not more so) when she isn’t trying because it is her natural state. Of course, she’ll never believe you, even though you tell her so often that your four-year-old daughter reminds her almost as frequently as you do of how beautiful she is. 

You should remember to let her know that when she does try. When she gets her hair just right and puts on the dress, she finally finds, after scouring every store and website in existence, that she is absolutely stunning. 

She doesn’t know you see her, always. You could explain your heart still skips a beat watching her from across crowded weddings and parties as she dazzles those she interacts with. Tell her how sometimes it is impossible to focus on what the person you are talking to is saying because, well, she exists, and nothing else seems quite as important as that. 

You don’t want to linger on these shallow compliments for too long. Yes, you could write pages about how effortless her beauty truly is. Do your damndest to convince her she is just as beautiful now as she was twenty-four years ago when you first met. She’d love to hear it, but she’ll never admit it because to do so would be vain. It’s best to decide the words you have written in a few short paragraphs are enough and move on.

When you move on, the best change of pace would be to remind her that the only thing more impressive than her beauty is what a pleasure it has been to watch her grow over the course of all the years you have spent together. 

You should tell her how anytime you are presented with the question, “Who is your hero?” Your answer is a lie because you never answer “my wife,” even though it is unequivocally true. How could it not be? You’ve had a front-row seat to watch her perform, speak in front of crowds, and accel at every task thrown her way. Meanwhile, you sit by, feeling lazy and inadequate because it seems impossible to live up to the standards she lives by. 

Worse, you can’t ask her how or why she does it all because you already know the answer. The answer is simple, it pulls your heart in entirely different directions. It’s simultaneously the best and worst answer possible, and it’s only three letters long: You. 

You’ll never tell her you don’t deserve it because you adore how it makes you feel. 

And what’s the harm? Her goals are yours, and vice versa if you’re doing marriage right. The best thing you can do is sit in the front row and watch her meet every goal she sets professionally and personally. 

You watch her fantastic one-woman show in amazement. It’s like watching the best magician because knowing the “trick” doesn’t matter, as they are much better than everyone else. It’s the performance, the art of it all. Seeing how she juggles work, volunteering, networking, and school makes it seem her days have 30 hours to your 24. And don’t blink because when you do, there will be something new she takes on, and she’ll never mention it. 

As if all of those things weren’t enough, time and again, she proves herself as the best mother to her children. 

One day, at your son’s soccer game, another mother will comment that your son doesn’t seem to run out of energy. You’ll mindlessly respond, “I don’t know where he gets it,” as the realization hits you in the chest like a sledgehammer. It’s been in front of you all these years.

He gets it from her. Both of your children get it from her. All of their most beautiful qualities come from her. You could cry right there in the middle of a bunch of kids running for snacks after playing soccer because you are so thankful for her existence and everything she does for your family. 

You spend a lot of time thinking about death and wondering what comes after our time on this planet. You do this because she has enriched your life so much that you never want it to end. You spend sleepless nights deciding whether you hope she dies first or you die first. 

Before the anxiety gets so bad you worry your heart will stop, you realize what happens after your inevitable death doesn’t matter; even if it all ended today (which it could), she has made your life complete. 

You resolve to focus on all of the little things she does daily.

When she smiles that smile, the one you know is just for you. 

When she looks at you that way. The look that reminds you how you are just as important to her as she is to you. 

The way she snorts and laughs when you tell the same old stupid joke. You know, when one of your kids points something out, and she says, “Good eye!” and you shout from the next room, “Good eye to you, mate!”

And when she comes to you with tears in her eyes this morning because she just backed into your car (again), you take a deep breath and fight the urge to get mad. Because even if she backed into your car every day, it would be worth it. 

It’s worth it because the only certainty you have in this life is that a life without her is not a life you’re interested in living. All you can do is be thankful every day you wake up to her there with you. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have the privilege to share your life with her. Because no matter what happens, everything seems possible with her around. 

Lastly, you should tell her you would change nothing about the past 15 years and that when you say, “Happy anniversary,” you mean thank you. 

Thank you for being my best friend.

Thank you for being my partner.

Thank you for being my wife.

Thank you for putting up with me when I am an asshole.

Thank you for being a fantastic mother.

Thank you for being a badass woman for our daughter to look up to. 

Thank you for working so hard.  

Or, you could just run to Target and buy her a card that says “Happy 15th Wedding Anniversary”.

Cheers.