Dress Appropriately

German marked my first foreign-language class in sixth grade, and perhaps my first experience with social pressure.

Frau Wied assigned us the task of choosing our German names. This would become the name she would call us throughout the year during class. And, as it turned out, in the halls.

She handed out a xeroxed list of names separated into “ein Junge” and “Mädchen”. I scanned the list of names like an expectant mother 4,400 miles away in Berlin. Though, as a sixth grader on the first day of middle school, it’s hard to say whose stakes felt higher.

Many of the other kids in my class had gone to the elementary school with the advanced learning program. To this day, I am unclear of how my classmates wound up in the advanced program so early, as I had made my way into the advanced classes in sixth grade under suspicious circumstances.

A broken right wrist prevented me from filling in the Scantron bubbles on the IOWA Basic test we were required to take to measure our skills against the rest of the nation. Because of my injury, a teaching assistant sat with me to fill in the bubbles of the answers I selected. 

Was it pure intelligence that allowed me to score in the 98th percentile, or the teaching assistant’s terrible poker face when I attempted to pick the incorrect answer?

The world will never know.

Regardless, it landed me in a classroom, staring at a list of German names, trying to pick the “coolest” one because my friends already had their German names from their elementary school class.

Dieter, Günther, Helmut, Wolfgang, are you kidding me?! Stefan. Stefan! That’s my best friend’s name in New York. I looked at the chalkboard, and someone had taken the name. 

I chose Felix because I used to watch Felix the Cat. How inspired. 

Yet, it wasn’t as cool as the names my friends had. 

Their names fit them like a tailored suit. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, tugging at my waistband and shifting in my seat, all too aware that ‘Felix’ fit me as poorly as the Eddie Bauer khakis my mom bought me for the new school year.

It was in this class that I, Felix, first learned of the Holocaust and the atrocities committed by the Nazis during World War Two. 

Adults forget what it was like to learn about these things. Remembering the facts is easier than remembering the emotion and confusion stirred inside as the details piled up in front of us like bodies in mass graves. Papers, stars, hiding, trains, abuse, starvation, and death. It’s so much to absorb, even as an adult.

We forget the bump of adrenaline when the emotion enters the room, when the teacher’s solemn mood hushes the class, and we understand that now is not the time for jackassery.

The lights go out, and the faces of twelve-year-olds glow in the black-and-white footage from five lifetimes ago playing on the oversized tube TV, rolled in on an old metal cart. Soldiers on a beach, a furious man with a mustache yelling at a podium, rubble, terrified faces, shaved heads, and so many dead bodies.

When the video ends and the lights turn back on, the teacher wipes a final tear from their cheek. 

What made it challenging is we had no frame of reference. These stories played like pure fiction or something that happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Which makes sense given we were also taught about the heroic American effort during World War Two. We learned how the bravest generation volunteered to cross the Atlantic to defeat those evil forces and hold them accountable for their actions.

And at the end of the day, when the bell rang, we went home and fell into a peaceful slumber because we live in America. The land of the free and home of the brave. Nothing like that will ever happen here.

Too bad the history curriculum didn’t focus more on the 1930s in Germany to find out how the fuck they ended up how they did. The beginning isn’t nearly as interesting as the end. The deliberate legal plotting of Gleichschaltung turned neighbors against each other through policy and social pressure. The average person didn’t realize they were a frog in a pot of water being slowly brought to a boil.

We are plagued by people who have given up their critical thinking skills.

We have become addicted to the confirmation bias found within our chosen echo chambers, unable to face the discomfort of breaking free for a moment because doing so would make falling asleep at night a little more challenging. 

Thinking of neighbors being pulled from their homes in the freezing cold isn’t conducive to the peaceful slumbers we’re used to getting in the United States of America.

In my state of Minnesota, thirty minutes from my home, a masked federal agent shot Renee Good in the face three times, in broad daylight, in front of witnesses, and filmed from more vantage points than even Oliver Stone could have conceived of. 

Yet, people refuse to watch it and instead regurgitate the opinions they see on TV. Somehow, ignoring the document they claim to hold above all, the Constitution.

On Friday, January 16th—my daughter’s birthday — we went out to dinner in Maple Grove, MN. 

We looked out the glass doors of our restaurant to the street as we waited for our table. We could see a restaurant and a bank across the street, along with some retail shops. A fresh coating of light snow blanketed the sidewalk. An unmarked SUV with blue and red lights flashing in the rear window sat parked in the street, unattended. I exchanged a worried glance with my wife.

We both started from a rational place. Probably just an unmarked police car or security investigating an alarm. It was 6:30 in suburbia for Christ’s sake. 

The faint sound of car horns out on the street, which has quickly become the signal of the government’s abuse of power in Minnesota, began. ICE was across the street, surrounding a restaurant to detain the “criminals” who were in the middle of their shift serving people like me. Families celebrating birthdays or anniversaries.

@thugginluv97

Ice raided the restaurant I work in. A troubling time we are in, and a reminder to share as much resources as we can and to defend each other. Cops was called and they did nothing! But protestors arrived and they helped these ppl get away. All we have is ourselves rn. #MN #ice #community

♬ original sound – C.U comedy

“Tim, your table is ready.”

I tried to focus on my family, on my daughter, and not on the possibility that the state was tearing someone away from their life and family, or masked men walking through her birthday dinner en route to the kitchen. Shame bubbled up inside me.

That’s the point, though, isn’t it? You don’t need to be terrified to be terrorized. It’s the chaos and uncertainty. They are counting on people to go along to get along.

I’ve had enough. This isn’t a difference of opinion on policy, Democrat versus Republican. This is right and wrong. How can people claim these ICE agents are “just doing their job” or “this would all be over if people would just comply”?

I can’t. As a son of a veteran of Vietnam and the grandson of a veteran and Purple Heart recipient in World War II, I learned this is the exact behavior they swore to protect the country from.

There are some who didn’t anticipate the call of tyranny and oppression coming from inside the house. 

I wrote an open letter to my eight-month-old son when Donald Trump was elected to his first term. I remember being nervous to share it with the world, but more so with my friends and family. It was clear to me a decade ago who he is, but did I want to risk relationships in the name of politics?

This is how Gleichschaltung works. They don’t need me to be on board; they just need me to be quiet.

Maybe you voted for the people who are ignoring our Constitution, and that’s okay.

Now, however, we must all wake up and say, “No,” because if we accept this unconstitutional abuse of power, who will be targeted next?

We are seeing the good people of Minnesota on the streets of Minneapolis saying, “No.” We are seeing people who recognize the pot of water as the trap it is.

Wake up. Pay attention. Watch the videos and ask yourself: Do these people look like dangerous criminals?

As the country prepares for a historic cold front of ice and snow, it is the hand of tyranny grasping for control. 

Dress appropriately, Minnesotans will.



Wicked, Football & A New Holiday? | The Kids Are In Bed Ep 43

What happens when you try to squeeze Wicked, tailgating & football, and Thanksgiving prep into one jam-packed weekend? Absolute chaos—and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

In this episode of The Kids Are in Bed, Tim and Jenni Severson share a candid (and often hilarious) recap of their family-filled adventures. From their night out at Wicked—complete with matching outfits and 9 million real flowers—to their cozy home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner, the weekend was full of love, laughter, and a few missteps.

Highlights include:

  • Mini Vacations vs. Full Vacations: Why short getaways can feel even more relaxing than extended trips.
  • The Magic of Wicked: Our thoughts on the stunning visuals, incredible cast, and Ariana Grande’s surprising performance.
  • Tailgate Wins (and Woes): Why packing chili at 6:30 AM is both genius and nauseating.
  • Thanksgiving Hot Takes: Is stuffing more important than turkey? Plus, our foolproof recipe for making Thanksgiving stress-free.
  • Holiday Reinvention: Could a pre-Thanksgiving “No Pressure Giving” holiday be the key to keeping your family drama-free?

This episode is filled with laughs, family-friendly moments, and hot takes on everything from holiday traditions to stadium traffic. Whether you’re a fan of The Kids Are in Bed or just discovering us, this one is a must-listen.

Homecoming | The Kids Are In Bed Ep 38

We have spent the past twenty-four episodes catching you up on how we got here as a couple 25 years later. That left us wondering: what the hell do we talk about now?! The answer fell into our lap as the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers host the Maryland Terrapins this weekend for the Gophers’ annual homecoming game.

What is homecoming? When did this American tradition begin? Why? Where? Who should be credited with starting this tradition?

Don’t worry; Tim and Jenni will answer all your questions this week! So, throw on your alma mater’s colors and come to homecoming with us! Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Thanks for laughing with us.

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Red Bull, Vodka, and Regret: My First Blackout

One night, during my Sophomore year of college, I was talking with a couple of roommates about “blacking out.” 

That is, drinking so much alcohol you cannot remember a portion of the evening despite walking around like a semi-functional human.

As a twenty-year-old from rural Minnesota, I had done my fair share of drinking. I had been around people claiming not to remember things from the night before. Still, I had been with them and consumed roughly the same amount of alcohol, yet I could remember the night’s details clearly.

This led me to feel as though there were two options:

  1. I am not capable of blacking out due to a superhuman liver.
  2. People claim to blackout because they can’t own the embarrassment of their actions.

I gladly played devil’s advocate against my roommates in this discussion as they crafted theories opposing my viewpoints on blackouts. 

Heated debates were taking place in other houses and apartments around the University of Minnesota campus. However, those debates covered high-brow academic hypotheses. Future brilliant minds were discussing philosophy, politics, or mathematic proofs. 

All the while, I had split my roommates on the question of whether or not a blackout could happen by drinking beer alone since I almost exclusively drank beer at the time.

Our debate was as vigorous as the others throughout campus, but our subject matter was sophomoric. 

When the dust settled, it was agreed that blackouts are real. We decided to conduct an experiment to determine whether or not I could achieve a blackout, an investigation for which I was happy to be a guinea pig. 

Our group of scholars determined Red Bull mixed with vodka would be the best catalyst for a blackout if it were going to happen. 

Since I was only twenty, I gave money to one of my roommates, who was of legal age, to purchase a liter of Karkov vodka. 

I went to retrieve the Red Bull. 

My sophomore year of college was the first year I had my car on campus. My parents gave me a Mobil credit card to ensure I always had a full gas tank. 

Having a Mobil credit card meant I bought gas exclusively at Mobil gas stations. Fortunately for me, Bobby & Steve’s Auto World was a short, 7-minute drive away. It was the sole Mobil station in the immediate area and the best gas station in the area. If they gave awards for gas station cuisine, this gas station would be highly decorated.

While filling up my gas tank one day, someone came walking out with a slice of pizza that caught my eye. I decided to treat myself to a slice as a twenty-year-old with little impulse control. 

When I approached the register and reached for my wallet, I realized I had come without it. Massive panic took over my body.

“I, uh, I forgot my wallet, so I’ll just take this back where I found it,” I said, holding my Mobil credit card in my hand.

“You can use the card in your hand to pay for the pizza,” the employee behind the counter said flatly.

“I thought this was only for gas?” I said.

“Umm, no,” he said. The look on his face showed he was trying to figure out if I was messing with him or just a run-of-the-mill half-wit. He quickly realized I was a half-wit by looking at my face, so he slowed his cadence down when he continued, “You can use your credit card to buy anything in this store.” He gestured to the store floor in case I needed help understanding what constituted a store.

The cashier had no idea what he had set in motion. I looked at the store floor through the lens of unlimited possibilities. Frozen pizza, ice cream, sandwiches, chips, cigarettes, and beer were now at my fingertips. At that moment, I promised myself I would not abuse this newfound power, a promise I would quickly break.

“In that case, I’ll be right back,” I said, turning on my heel to walk back through the store for a little extra grocery shopping.

Mom wouldn’t want me to go without Coke this week, I thought, as I reached into the cooler for a twelve-pack. 

Fortunately, my diet in college didn’t require anything I couldn’t buy from a gas station.

Every convenience store on campus (including the convenience store down the street) also sold Red Bull, but it was expensive. I went to Bobby & Steve’s to buy a four-pack of Red Bull. Not wanting to waste a trip, I also got some “essentials. ” 

I got home, put my frozen pizza and a pint of Phish Food Ben & Jerry’s ice cream (see: essentials) in the freezer, and grabbed a giant cup from the kitchen. 

I poured my first stiff Red Bull vodka of the night and drank it in short order, grimacing after every gulp. If you’ve never had Red Bull vodka, it tastes like a sweet, tart lollipop dipped in hand sanitizer. 

Before long, a half liter of vodka was gone, along with two Red Bulls. 

The plan for the evening was to go to a Gopher men’s hockey game. Before going anywhere, our tradition was playing a few foosball rounds in the living room at a foosball table surrounded by old student newspaper pages that had been used to clean up previous spills. 

The last thing I remember is taking the final gulp of my third Red Bull vodka and everyone agreeing to play one more game before we left to go to the hockey game. 

I open my eyes to find myself lying in my bed, on top of a mostly broken bed frame from Ikea due to a scuffle between two of my roommates spilling into my bedroom a couple of weeks into the school year.

Where am I? Is the first thought that runs through my head. 

What happened? Is a very close second. 

I remember playing foosball, then… what happened? I must have passed out before we went to the hockey game.

After I got my sorry ass out of bed, I went to find my roommates to find out what happened the night before. 

I did make it to the hockey game. The conversation could have ended there. Blackouts are real, and I did not have a superhuman liver. 

The conversation did not end there, however. My roommates insisted on filling me in on the details, as we all like to do when talking to the person who over-indulged the night before. 

Allegedly, I asked Goldy if he was interested in my girlfriend… sexually. 

As it turned out, he was not interested. It’s a good thing, too, because I married that girl, and Gopher games would be mighty awkward these days if he had taken me up on the offer. 

The season ticket holders in the seats in front of us had a tradition of wearing firefighter helmets to the game. Allegedly, I decided to test their effectiveness by treating the tops of their helmets as drums at various times during the game. 

Tim at Gopher hockey game
This picture is not from the night featured, but it gives the right idea.

Outside of making an indecent proposal to a mascot and annoying the people in front of us at the game, my roommates filled me in on what else happened the remainder of the night. Luckily, there wasn’t much else to be embarrassed about.

My consciousness traveled through time, leaving my vacant, meat puppet of a body behind to walk around unsupervised. Few feelings are worse than the first moments after waking after a blackout.

It was the last time I drank a Red Bull vodka.

I wish I could tell you it was the first and final time that I experienced a blackout, but it would be a lie. 

Viewing this story as another binge-drinking college story is short-sighted.

I took full advantage of the resources college afforded me. I made an observation, asked a question based on that observation, formulated a hypothesis, developed a method, and recorded my results while allowing my peers to review those results. 

In academia, they call that the scientific method.

The other times I have blacked out? 

Those are stories about an idiot binge drinking. 

Cheers.

Rollerblading in College

In college, I got around campus using rollerblades.

I know, I have a hard time believing it too. But, it is true.

Luckily, I had spent the previous winter playing pond hockey. I was able to stand up and move around a little (looking uncoordinated and awkward, of course).

By the end of my college career, I was comfortable getting around on roller blades. Yet, I did manage to get myself into trouble a couple of times.

All in all, I found rollerblading to be an enjoyable activity and an efficient means of transportation. Thanks for reading.

What?

Oh, you wanted to laugh at my expense again?

Fine. Jerk… Continue reading