The complete collection of Tim’s essays, short stories, reviews, and more!
Laugh, cry, and be vicariously embarrassed.
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Dress Appropriately
From 6th grade German to a birthday in Maple Grove, Tim Severson explores the “boiling pot” of tyranny and why we must finally wake up and say, āNo.ā
Recent Stories
The Shepherd
A stranger arrives in town to raise sheep, faces skepticism about wolves & ultimately proves himself a shepherd by training his flock and securing their safety.
School Drop-Off, Instant Karma
Tim reflects on school drop-off, navigating nostalgic contrasts in parenting, personal frustrations, & moments of unexpected kindness amid chaotic mornings.
Spilled Milk
Tim Severson reflects on societal annoyances and personal struggles, ultimately finding value in therapy while coping with daily challenges and self-criticism.
Wicked Trips to the Movies
Tim shares his family’s return to the movies after years, highlighting the excitement, nostalgia, & joy that cinematic experiences bring to children and parents
Unaccompanied Minor, Lifelong Friend
Tim reflects on childhood travels & enduring friendship with a childhood friend, cherishing memories while confronting the inevitability of change & separation.
Welcome to Pinehaven
Carmen and Kevin, dressed for Halloween, sneak into an empty house, but their playful night turns horrifying when they encounter a masked figure after a shocking tragedy.
Next Stop 40: The Train of Life
Tim reflects on life as a journey filled with regrets and nostalgia, ultimately highlighting the importance of companionship & shared experiences along the way.
Team Woman
The author reflects on an unforgettable night at the TeamWomen WaveMaker Awards, celebrating his wife Jenni’s achievements & the impact of empowerment on women.
Oh, My Darlin’ Clementine
The author reflects on a summer day at a water park with his kids and ponders the passing of time, eventually realizing his daughter’s boundless potential.
Hail! To The Worrier
A man’s reluctance to address issues leads to unexpected expenses on his house. After a series of inspections, his roof only needs minor repairs.
How to Win a Keg Race
A group of college roommates prepares for a wild keg race during Spring Jam weekend, experimenting with wearing diapers for drinking efficiency.
The Lonesome Kicker
The writer reflects on the essence of sports through a recent NBA game, criticizes public focus on kicker, Harrison Butker’s opinions, and advocates for respectful dialogue.
My Front Row Seat
A father reflects on his role in parenting and societal expectations, acknowledging the influence and strength of his wife, Jenni.
My Flawless Travel Day
A family travel day, filled with surprises and frustrations, takes an unexpected turn when picking up the rental car.
Hot Dog or Sandwich: A New Hill to Die On
The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council rejects the hot dog being labeled a sandwich. Tim writes about how they got it all wrong.
Bar Soap and People Pleasing
Tim shares his journey from mocking bar soap users to becoming one, reflecting on his people-pleasing nature and recognizing its positive impact.
Shadow Work
Tim embarked on a career transition with a coach’s help but found a more profound journey of self-discovery through reading “The Artist’s Way.”
My Business Trip
Tim experiences a business trip that leads to unexpected encounters and self-reflection, highlighting an amusing mix of personal and professional moments.
Leap Year: Seizing the Spectacular Opportunity We’re Missing
Society overlooks the potential of Leap Year while celebrating trivial events. Embracing this day with festivities and traditions could invigorate culture.
Letting Go
A father anticipates the birth of his daughter, but a distant relationship with his own father prompts a difficult decision and a farewell.
Holding Doors
Tim shares the joy of performing small acts of kindness, like holding doors for strangers. He reflects on personal growth and embracing happiness.
Red Bull, Vodka, and Regret: My First Blackout
During college, I debated blackout causes with roommates. Experimenting with Red Bull and vodka led to embarrassing antics at a hockey game.
Ice Cold – Revised
We all have one mistake from our youth, which stands head and shoulders above the rest. The crown jewel of screw-ups. The kind of memory that shows up while showering, forcing you to decide whether or not itād be best to go back to bed. Mine happened in January 2003 when I was a seniorā¦
My Leap
You know the old saying: If you agree to officiate one wedding, be prepared to officiate more. Thatās not a saying, but it doesnāt make it untrue. This past September, I officiated my brotherās wedding. Youāll be disappointed to know I wasnāt sobbing alone the morning of like I did for the last, well, first,ā¦
The NIT, AITA?
“You’re an asshole,” my wife, Jenni, said to me walking into our townhouse in Maple Grove, MN, upon returning home from work. A smirk was fighting through her incensed facial expression, letting me know she meant it lovingly. If a happy marriage means not regularly calling your spouse vulgar names out of love, I don’tā¦
Airport Anxiety
I am a “get to the airport 2 hours early” type of guy. I grew up traveling with my parents, who are get to the airport a week before your flight kind of people. As an adult, having done quite a bit of travel with two children under seven, I get it now. You have to beā¦
Embracing the Speedo
“I don’t understand you,” my wife said as we were getting ready for the day when I put my last story on my site. She was referencing the fact that minor embarrassments cause me so much anxiety. Yet, I choose to relive them by writing about them and posting them for everyone to read. Iā¦
4th of July Embarrassment
A decade ago, on the 4th of July, I found myself in an embarrassing situation that still haunts me. My wife and I were invited to hang out at our friend’s Minneapolis apartment pool. You should know that, for this particular friend, rules are made to be followed. As he read his apartment’s rules, heā¦
15 Years
How do you describe fifteen years of marriage? The universality of love makes it conflicting. On the one hand, it gives you relatable love songs and romantic comedies. On the other hand, it makes every word and gesture you come up with feel cliche. While that fact doesnāt make those sentiments erroneous, it can makeā¦
Unexpected Adventure in Chicago
It may surprise you to find out it is still possible to get lost in a major city in the United States in 2023. Itās possible for me, anyway. I traveled to my friendās bachelor party in Chicago at the end of March. Before you conjure up images of a stereotypical bachelor party that leadā¦
Unexpected Adventures in Boulder
“I bet I can beat you guys back!” I yelled, breaking into a sprint (see: jog). “Tim, wait!” my friends yelled as I ran around the corner. They were too late. I was off on my own in a neighborhood in Boulder, CO. In September 2021, I traveled with some friends to Boulder, CO, toā¦
What Are The Odds?
Introverted-extrovert. It sounds like an oxymoron, but itās what I am. On top of being your standard, run-of-the-mill moron. If youāre unfamiliar, it works like this: I gather my social energy like a bear consuming calories before hibernation. When that energy runs out, I need alone time, or as my wife and I call it,ā¦
My SATs
āTimmy!ā Confused and disoriented, I blinked my eyes open. My mouth tasted terrible. āTimmy! Time to get up!ā my mom shouted again. I thought, What is she talking about? Itās Saturday, and there is nothing that I need to do today. I allowed my eyes to close again. I heard footsteps approaching, and my bedroomā¦
The Restroom Cottage
I go to extremes to avoid letting my wife know I have bowel movements. First, Iām unsure I can explain how difficult it was to type that sentence out, knowing that I will eventually post it for tens of people to read. In my effort to conquer my self-conscious tendencies, it seems that sharing thisā¦
Unlocking Happiness
The year 2022 was a complete disaster for me. To say I was struggling with my mental health would be an understatement. The misconception clouded my thoughts that losing weight would solve everything. I spent so much time consumed with how I looked I forgot about caring for that thing between my ears. Itās toughā¦
Steering into the Skid: My Journey to Officiating My Best Friend’s Wedding
On November 6, 2022, I received a text from one of my best friends on this planet: “Are you around tonight?ā This is an odd text to get from a friend who lives 433 miles away, but he clarified that he wanted to FaceTime. Since he was engaged, I knew he would ask me toā¦
The Danger of Trying to Engineer Your Child’s Identity: A Personal Reflection
In my sophomore year of college, I took a Human Sexuality course at the University of Minnesota. The credits counted toward my major in Psychology, and learning about sexuality seemed like a pleasant way for me to spend my Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. The course was most of what youād expect. Freud, Kinsey, stereotypes inā¦
Why I dislike my kids, let me count the ways
There are so many things to dislike about being a parent of two little kids. A seemingly never ending list of ways that they mess your life, as a fully semi functioning adult, up. They donāt listen to a single thing you tell them. Unless there is something in it for them, of course. Otherwise,ā¦
My Vasectomy
āYou havenāt taken that yet?ā the nurse side with moon-sized eyes staring at me above her mask. āNo,ā I said. āYou were supposed to take that an hour agoā¦ How is your anxiety?ā she asked. āWell, pretty bad now,ā I said. If you have read the stories here, I wouldnāt blame you for thinking Iā¦
Opinion – Roe v Wade
I am a man. My opinion about what women do with their bodies doesn’t matter. Listen to women. The End. Cheers. P.S. Your vote matters, use it wisely.
My Good Old Day
If you’re looking for a more conventional April Fools Day story, you can find that here. What follows is a different story that will still give you an opportunity to laugh at me if you are into that kind of thing. There is a quote from the last episode of The Office delivered by Edā¦
Flying Kites
Itās the last wave and smile. Itās the oversized backpack filled with snow pants. Itās independence. I drove to work crying today, again. Itās not a daily occurrence. Itās something that happens on certain days. You see, due to a parental scheduling error, my son has been without before school care at his elementary schoolā¦
Hot Timmy Summer
Iāve hated myself for a long time. Wait, let me rephrase that. Iāve hated my body for as long as I can remember. I can remember hating the start of football as a kid because the pants never fit right. Iāve hated shopping my entire life because trying on clothes would give me anxiety andā¦
The Ice Cream Truck
Well, at least I’m getting a little run in. This is my thought as I run out my door in crocs, sweatpants, and a t-shirt with my 5-year-old racing toward the street. Letās back up. I recently saw a Tik-Tok. Yes, Iām thirty-six and on Tik-Tok. To be clear, I watch Tik-Toks. I do notā¦
The First Step
Odds are, if you’re reading this, than this post probably isn’t essential reading for you. Great opening line, right? I know my audience, so I am just making an educated guess. However, many of the people that are inclined to read the things I write here know people that could use this and if thisā¦
Why I Go(pher) 2.0
Before the 2012 season, I wrote Why I Go(pher). The Gopher football team would finish that season 6-7. And under that coaching staff and administration, it never felt like they would be more than a middle-of-the-road Big Ten team. Yesterday, 7 years later, we turned the corner I wrote about. And as I predicted, Iā¦
The Mountain
Two decades. Twenty years. 7,300 days. 175,200 hours. 10,512,000 minutes. Time is great at playing this terrible trick on us. When you start counting minutes in the tens of millions, time seems to drag. When you count it in decades, saying ātime fliesā seems like a comical understatement. After two children, it feels like timeā¦
The Intruder
A flush of adrenaline rolls to my legs and they start to tingle. My heart rate speeds up so that I can no longer feel individual beats coming from my chest. Ā I am 33 years old, a suspicious thump in the night shouldn’t cause so much fear. Unfortunately, bravery has never been a traitā¦
My Confession
This is a tough story for me to share. It is one that I am not particularly proud of, but it is important to write honestly. A few years back, I was drunk in Minneapolis (as usual). I had spent the night out with my buddies bar hopping and drinking too much.Ā After bar close, weā¦
The Talk
They sat on a bench on the bike path overlooking the river. The late afternoon sun lazily making its descent to the horizon. The leaves rustling in the late fall breeze. In days past they would have sat holding hands, or at least making some sort of physical contact. Lately, they didnāt mind the space.ā¦
Chunking
Our brains get lazy and let us down all the time. Mostly, this happens when we are doing something innocuous. We let our brains take over and go into autopilot. This is called chunking. It occurs when something becomes so routine that our brain lumps it into one task. For example, going toā¦
An Open Letter to My Son
Dear Jude, I write this letter with a heavy heart. Last night, Donald Trump was elected as the 45th President of the United States. You, of course, slept peacefully as the results came in across the country, incapable of understanding what was taking place. This morning, you woke up smiling as I pulled you fromā¦
Seventeen Years
Seventeen years ago, today, I asked my wife to “go out with me.” Today is also my birthday (thanks for remembering). Here’s the thing. When I was younger and birthdays still kind of mattered, it always irritated me that our “anniversary” fell on my birthday. I am not proud of having felt this way andā¦
What’s In A Nickname?
You do not get to choose your nicknames. They follow you around, silently stalking until they attach themselves to you, like a parasite, when you least expect it. Sometimes they are funny and endearing. Sometimes they are malicious. Sometimes they are cool and catchy. The nickname that attached itself to me is somewhere in theā¦
First Moments as a Father
“I’m just going to take a seat.” If you are in the medical field, never make these the first words a patient hears out of your mouth. Especially if the patient is a new parent. I tend to be a bit anxious about most things that I encounter on a daily basis (okay, okay… extremelyā¦
Unsolicited Advice
When I wasĀ engaged my least favorite part was the unsolicited advice and terrible jokes. “Your life will be over the minute you get married.” “You will never have freedom again.” “Just remember… happy wife, happy life.” “Happiest day of my life is when I got divorced.” On and on it went with these bits ofā¦
Movie Review: Joy
I have been accused on the iKnowBadeaux podcast of only reviewing movies that I enjoy but, my feelings about Joy are mixed. Let’s start with the good. This movie is a must-see solely due to Jennifer Lawrence’s performance. She plays Joy Mangano the inventor of the Miracle Mop and brings forth complexities of the characterā¦
No You’re Not
“No you’re not…” In a flash, my life changed. AnĀ entireĀ new list of worries and responsibilities appeared as if out of thin air. The countdown has started. I finally will be forced to become an adult. My wife is pregnant. Oh my god, my wife is pregnant.Ā While it was a surprise, it wasn’t completely aā¦
Happy New Years?
I am sick of saying “Happy New Year.” Why is this something that we feel compelled to say to one another? It is an empty gesture. We are all saying it to each other because it is the methadone to ween us off of saying Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. Nobody says “Happy New Year”ā¦
Do You Believe?
Can you remember the time when you truly believed in Santa Claus? When you knew beyond a doubt that the stories were true, that he actually flew from house to house delivering presents? I know I can. Growing up, Santa always came on Christmas Eve. There was no sleeping and waiting for Christmas morning. Noā¦
Movie Review: Spotlight
The last movie review that I did was a bit tongue in cheek but, this week I have a real review. In an effort to earn my keep as the “Official Movie Reviewer” for the iKnowBadeaux podcast I am trying to do some more serious work. Here we go. Last night I had the privilegeā¦
Why am I So Awkward? 2: Return of the Awkward
People really seem to enjoy hearing about my awkward adventures back in May, so I decided it may be a good idea to delve a little deeper into this issue. For your laughs and for my own self discovery. I can’t explain where these… let’s call them tics, come from. I live most of myā¦
Movie Review for iKnowBadeaux
I have become a punchline with boys over at iKnowBadeaux since I am supposed to be the “Official Movie Reviewer.” Recently, they played a baseball-movie themed game (you can listen to the episode here) andĀ I am disappointed in the things those morons had to say about an amazing film. Here is your movie review, idiots.ā¦
Huddled Masses
Hate. Hate is what has been left in the wake of the tragedy that happened in Paris last week. After all of the #prayforParis and people changing their profile picture to be colored in the likeness of France’s flag. Hate comes forth in the end. We are a country that was formed by immigrants. Thrivedā¦
My Lie
Have you ever lied about something for so long that you actually forgot the truth? I just realized that I have. Fall 1994. Third Grade. I love when memories are so vivid that you see them through the eyes of the chubby little person that you were when they happened… It’s an overcast, fall dayā¦
Drinking for the USA
Where am I?Ā I open my eyes as wide as I can but there is only darkness. What the hell did I do? If you have ever woken up like this, you know how terrifyingly confusing it is.Ā Laying there, trying to piece together what is dream and what is drunken reality. This story took placeā¦
My Heart Attack
When left to my own devices, my brain wanders the hallway of worst case scenarios. This happens at night when I am trying to fall asleep. Unless there is something specific for me to worry about, my mind always opens the door that contains thoughts about death. My death… My wife’s death… My family… youā¦
Podcast Review: Box Angeles
So you want to make it in Los Angeles? It’s no secret that it isn’t as easy as just moving there. But, what are the secrets to actually making it? That is exactly what theĀ Box AngelesĀ podcast works to reveal. Since the podcast started in 2013, Mike “Box” Elder hasĀ honed his skills to create interesting andā¦
Movie Review: Inside Out
There you are… standing awkwardly in front of the ticket booth at the movie theater trying to decide what to see. What is the most bang for your buck? Well, Jurassic World if you haven’t seen that yet (in which case you are a little late to the party). Do not hesitate, walk to theā¦
The Seven-Year Itch
They call it the “seven-year itch.” The idea that after seven years of marriage the happiness of the relationship begins to decline. This is an interesting concept, but obviously there is not a timer that starts when you get married or start dating someone. So what is it? What causes people to lose the sparkā¦
My First Baseball Season: A Story of Embarrassment
Baseball. America’s pastime. Endless opportunities for me to embarrass myself. I did not have a long career on the diamond. I played until I was twelve years-old (skipping a season when I was eleven because of an accident). But, my first season in what is called “Bronco” league baseball was a memorable one. I canā¦
Bee is for Baby
Spelling is something that has always come natural to me. Even at a young age, spelling was one thing that I was really good at. I can remember my spelling tests hanging on the refrigerator. The thin, grey recycled paper with the lines and dashes to help kids with printing upper and lower case lettersā¦
Movie Review: Jurassic World
Jurassic World is an absolute win. Well… relatively speaking that is. Nothing will ever touch the visual effects that were put on the big screen in 1993 (which still stand up today). The realism that we felt then is something that we will tell grandchildren about… they will roll their eyes and not understand theā¦
Is Tiger Done?
Is Tiger Woods done winning majors? On a day after he posted an 80 on the first day of the US Open (a score I would frame on my wall) the easy answer is yes. But, that is not the correct answer. The odds are that he will not chase down Nicklaus for all timeā¦
Don’t Play With Fire
I grew up a bit of a pyromaniac. I had a fascination with fire. I was not a chubby little arsonist or anything, I just enjoyed the idea of starting fires (I re-wrote that a bunch of different ways and they all make me sound crazy). At around 11 years old, I did the mostā¦
Pretty Damn Cool: Drunken Interactions with Police
With all of the negative press surrounding law enforcement lately, I thought I would lighten things up with a couple of quick stories in which police officers were pretty damn cool. Both of these stories occurred during my freshman year of college. Both of these stories involve me being extremely inebriated. While I was notā¦
Minor Consumption
If you went to school at the University of Minnesota during the 2003-2004 school year, you most likely attended a party at 10th Ave and 4th St. or 11th Ave and University Ave (they were on the same block). This is a story about a party I attended at 11th and University early during myā¦
Amsterdam Coffee
In April, my wife and I took a trip to Europe. We set our sights on London and Amsterdam. Here is a story about Amsterdam. It is a beautiful city, first of all. If you have a chance to go, do it. Amsterdam is famous for their, um, coffee. There are coffee shops everywhere. Iā¦
AP Back with the Vikings: A Fan’s Reaction
Adrian Peterson is “back” with the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings played this situation perfectly from the start and now are going to reap the benefits. All signs point to them starting the 2015 season with the best running back in the league in their backfield. Despite Peterson’s numerous bluffs and blunders, the Vikings held theirā¦
College Move-In Day
Move-In Day. The most stressful and lonely day of my life. As I understand it, things have changed significantly in the twelve years since I started college. Technology has improved the ability to select a roommate that matchesĀ your own personality. And, it is just easier to reach out to people in general. Other than aā¦
Chemistry Lab Embarrassment
The autumn rain fell soaking the colorful discarded leaves. This made rollerblading difficult (if you didn’t read the story yesterday, my primary mode of transportation in college was rollerblading). An attempt to push hard would lead to a pulled groin. Or worse, humiliationĀ in front of strangers. On this day I would make it to Chemistryā¦
Rollerblading in College
In college, I got around campus using rollerblades. I know, I have a hard time believing it too. But, it is true. Luckily, I had spent the previousĀ winter playing pond hockey.Ā I was able to stand up and move around a little (looking uncoordinated and awkward, of course). By the end of my college career, Iā¦
Friendship vs. Time: The Never Ending Battle
Friendship is defined as a mutual affection between two or more people. A simplistic definition for something that’s complications are never-ending. The social media age has certainly complicated things more, as most of us now have a list of people labeled “friends” on Facebook. As time moves forward it can start to look more likeā¦
Drinking Is For The Birds
If you are a reader of my blog, you know that I am a fan of alcoholic beverages. If this is your first time reading… Hi! I am a fan of alcoholic beverages. Now that we have established that, I will confess that every now and then (now = Friday, then = Saturday) I mayā¦
Why Am I So Awkward?
I believe that my brain operates differently than everyone else’s in social situations. Well, not all social situations, mostly situations where I need to interact with another human to achieve the desired outcome. It’s as if my ability to think clearly and form intelligent thoughts ceases to exist (if that ability ever does actually exist).ā¦
I Know Badeaux: A podcast review
With all of the podcasts that are out there today, it is hard to decide which do give your valuable time to. Look no further than the iKnowBadeaux podcast. It is a refreshing change of pace from the normal standard interview style of entertainment. Dave Badeaux has created a podcast that brings you into anā¦
Wear Sunscreen
In honor of the first sun burn of the year that I obtained on Saturday… My skin is terrible. I will get a sun burn at the least likely of times and the most obvious times, I know this. However, even at thirty, I can’t remember to put sunscreen on myself and prevent the inevitableā¦
Good-bye American Idol
Goodnight sweet prince, it’s been fun. American Idol announced that after this weeks finale it will run one more season. And, the fact that they decided to announce when they did is just another indication of how lazy Fox got with a show that people used to love (I still do, I can’t help it).ā¦
Severson’s Law
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Well, this is how it seems sometimes. Two nights ago my wife decided that she needed to practice singing for an upcoming wedding this summer. Now, I have heard her sing countless times – choir in high school, on long road trips, at weddings, karaoke and drunkenā¦
Baltimore
I am not pretending that I have all of the answers, or any for that matter. However, I do have an opinion that I feel compelled to share. The way people have reacted to the recent events in Baltimore and even going back to the events in Ferguson is beyond ugly. Now, given the sampleā¦
15 Years
15 years. Half my life. To say I wouldnāt change a day is much to clichĆ©. Because, in all honesty, I would like to change a lot of things. But, the mistakes that I have made have led me here and sculpted the incredibly lucky life that I have today. On this day 15 yearsā¦
Should You Spank? Of Course Not.
āMy parents spanked me as a childā¦ As a result I now suffer from a psychological disorder known as āRespect for Others.āā Now, many of you have undoubtedly been subjected to this ridiculous meme on Facebook. It isnāt clever at all and, whatās worse, is that the message is completely asinine. Before the grumbling startsā¦ā¦
Ronald
She couldnāt tell if she was nauseous from the amount of blood that she was being forced to swallow or the massive blow to the back of the head that knocked her unconscious. The rag tied around her head is stretching the corner of her lips and all she canĀ taste was the rusty, metallic warmthā¦
Kirby and The Giant
I am a sucker. Now, I am trusting you not to use this to your advantage as one of my faithful readers, but I cannot say no. Obviously this is hyperbole but, know that if I have ever said no to you about anything at all, it has taken an extreme amount of courage onā¦
On a Futon… Three’s a Crowd
I am a little fuzzy on when exactly this took place. Mostly because I was extremely inebriated and most of the night is like a fuzzy dream (This usually means that I had an awesome night). I can narrow it down to sometime in 2008, fall I think. My brother-in-law was living near the Universityā¦
Whatās in the box?
This is a story by request. So, before I get started I wanted to let you know that if you remember something particularly embarrassing that I may have buried somewhere deep in my subconscious, you can remind me and I will most likely post it for others enjoymentā¦. maybe. December 2007. A stressful month forā¦
Social Media As I See It
It is amazing the different uses of social media and the wide variety ofĀ informationĀ people are willing to share with friends, family, acquaintances and complete strangers. It is something that I have been paying more attention to for the past couple of months as we have gone through the election season, through hurricane Sandy, the tragedyā¦
Niagara Falls Diplomat
Hi. How about a break from politics? I debated writing about the financial cliff, Iran or what America has to look forward to in the next four yearsā¦ but I settled on this story instead. July 2010. My wife and I decided that on our annual summer trip to northern New York and the St.ā¦
Yes or No?
Alright, I know that this topic is polarizing and that there are people who are steadfast in their beliefs. I dislike people pushing their political agenda on social media, so this is very hypocritical and I understand that. I am not posting this to sway belief (but if it does, well, ok) but rather justā¦
Lucky 13
Today is my 28th birthday or at least that is what Facebook tells me. I donāt feel older. But I do feel like I have had a real good 28 years. 13 of which I have had the privilege of living next to my best friend. 13 years ago today I asked my wife toā¦
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